I was sent a link to this site because the writer mentioned a fallout she had with me. I have no idea who she is, nor do I remember the words I wrote that cut through her.

After visiting the link, it became obvious that the woman behind that site is tad disturbed. I considered not posting her e-mail and URL, but it's clear that she craves attention, and it seems cruel to not indulge her.

I ask that you not harass her. I am not posting this information to make her life hell. Simply, I consider it a fascinating display of modern self-victimization tinged with narcissism. The Internet has allowed those who feel marginalized to connect with others who feel the same way, and it's led to some damn fine entertainment. Don't ruin it.

"Maddy" is the creator of that site, but she claims to have several personalities. (If you e-mail her and it causes her to discover another personality, don't blame me.) One of the personalities is "Leila." She's the strong one, and sweetheart that she is, she makes it easy to follow which personality is writing.

Normally, I would write this off as someone satirizing the online journal fad, but her prior contact with me leads me to believe this is quite legitimate.

What follows is the journal entry in which my site was mentioned:

Leila: What Maddy was thinking of when she read the above rant was a nasty encounter she had about 18 months ago with the girl who writes at bitch.shutdown.com. There was a piece about breastfeeding in public; this girl doesn't like it and had written that the "real" reason mothers breastfeed their babies in public is because they want to show off their "pwecious baybees" and make the rest of the world acknowledge how clever they are to have produced such a beautiful child. Maddy found this highly offensive and wrote, fairly calmly (unfortunately that correspondence is now lost because it was on the old puter which died), to object. She said a baby being breastfed was no different to a person drinking or eating in public: it was still a human being who had a natural, physical feeling of hunger which it was reasonable to want to satisfy. The Bitch wrote back refuting what Maddy had said, and somehow, we don't remember exactly how, the Bitch accused Maddy of killing Ruby (we don't remember at what point Ruby was mentioned, or in what context). Maddy referred this correspondence to the Bitch's mailhost, hotmail, under the clause of their TOS which states that users of the service must not use it to harass others, and hotmail eventually agreed the Bitch had contravened their terms of use, although we don't know what the final upshot was. Maddy: I hadn't mentioned it to the person I BCC'd but he wrote back a little later and suggested I have a go at bitch.shutdown.com. Small world. Told him why I couldn't.

I'm not making a proper link to bitch.shutdown.com because I don't need that girl finding this site and having a field day with me. I Just Don't Need It. So, by all means, go check out her site (I don't disagree with everything I've read that she says, but I haven't been back since and have no intention of doing so), just do it in a new browser window and cut'n'paste the link. I don't recall if she has stats tracking of any sort but I don't want to leave myself open for attack.

So, I wrote to her. Just an innocuous one-line greeting. In return, she sent this rambling e-mail:

Hello whatever your name is.

We don't know who drew your attention to our site or perhaps you regularly search the web to see what sites mention yours (ego is not a dirty word) but we are asking nicely right now, you know, old fashioned politeness and all that... would you please direct your scathing tongue elsewhere. What we do on our site is our business and we are not hurting anyone else with it. Nobody is forced or required to read what we write. We are not attempting to force our opinions on others. We expect that there will be lots of people who disagree with what we say and think and we accept that, only asking that people who think differently to us don't go out of their way to hurt us.

Good old fashioned politeness also requires me to tell you that we will be actively blocking you from visiting any part of our domain... actively blocking you as much as we possibly can. We'd prefer you didn't visit us. We'd prefer you didn't write about us.

There are plenty of people and things in the world much sillier than us. There is lots of real stupidity. There is lots of beaurocratic/corporate hideousness. There is lots else to pick on. We don't even pretend you don't have a right to free speech, but we also have a right to free speech (and we understand how it works), *and we also have a right to feel safe online*. So please, from one sentient personality to another, please do not use your powers for evil. Look, we even have a sense of humour today. Now, isn't that nice. :)

This is the only polite request we are going to make of you. If you harass us or behave towards us in a way we find offensive we *will* defend ourselves. Please do not take it to that level.

(And I realise you have a policy about making emails received your rightful property to reproduce as you see fit, so I'm not going to be foolish and ask you not to reprint this. I have no doubt you'll do as you please. Just, y'know, try not to express things out of context.)

Regards,
Leila
writing for Maddy++

Hello TMB,

TMB:

Honestly, I have no fucking clue who you are,

Girl, if you don't know who we are, why did you write, huh?

TMB:

or why I touched a nerve.

We are a multiple system and we are sensitive to attack. I, Leila, am an alter within the system who is strong, coping, able, and I act as the defender of other alters inside who cannot cope, who are vulnerable, who have been hurt and cannot cope with their pain, much less cope with any new attacks (even if these are unwitting).

I wrote as a reflex response. I am aware, from common knowledge available to most of us, that our primary self, Maddy, had some correspondence with you early last year, where she, perhaps naively, objected to an article on your site. You two then exchanged some correspondence (unfortunately that is lost to us now as it was stored on an old computer which died) in which you accused her of something she did not do, and she tried to defend herself. IMHO she made the mistake of volunteering information that you could easily use against her. I would not do that. But then that is what a multiple system is about -- different alters, or personalities, or people if you prefer, who have different traits and abilities and experience things differently. We interact with the outside world differently, too.

After the email altercation with you, Maddy/the system did not return to your site. I have since gone for a brief look but I can only do this because I am strong and objective. Perhaps I too would be offended by some things you might write, but, knowing the futility of entering into correspondence with you, having an argument where we each insist we are right and the other wrong, well, I just wouldn't do that. I might communicate with someone inside or outside the system, refer them to an article you have written, and we might have a private discussion about it, but I would not expose our system to you knowingly and I would not put us in a position of vulnerability by openly disagreeing with any particular thing you have written.

TMB:

That I did, and that you've dedicated a passage in your journal to my site and written a long response to a one-line e-mail, makes this intriguing.

We do like to write. I personally am pleased that you have taken an interest, although I must still put my first loyalty, as defender of the system, over any personal interest I might have in corresponding with you on the subject of our journalling.

TMB:
I would suggest that if you're so sensitive to potential criticism

I would suggest that you, as a person who routinely attacks individuals, groups, religious and other persuasions, all manner of whatever, should be used to receiving somewhat defensive emails from people who don't share your perspective. Two can tango, girl. I tango very well. No, this is not an invitation to dance.

TMB:

that you feel the need to laughably defend yourself to a stranger,

But you are not a stranger. I know who you are, even if I don't know ur name.

You wrote to us. The fact that you wrote something apparently ambiguous and non-threatening only highlights the way you see yourself as having power over those who are or might be vulnerable to your attack.

I don't see how my email was "laughable". I reacted to a threat to the system. If we were not a multiple system, if I was the only personality inhabiting this body, there would be no cause for concern.

TMB

you might want to get off of the Web.

: Nnno, honey. *laughing* I/we have a right to be here. So do you. The web is a big, big place. I/we are not interested in, for example, cross stitch, so we don't go to needlework sites and know nothing about that niche of the web.

You have an audience. That is proven. We have an audience too. You have a niche, we have a niche. Neither of us is "wrong" for having our sites dedicated to what our interests are. We are a "live and let live" system. There is room for both of us on this web and we do not need to leave it so you can feel you are right.

We can have conflicting interests. We can have different interests. People are different. You can object to things you don't like, and so can we.

Btw, I realise I misspelt "bureaucratic". I always slip up on that word, dunno why. But, knowing you have such a talent for criticising others' misspellings, I thought I'd mention I realised I made a booboo and I do know how to spell it properly. :)

TMB:

This may shock you, but anyone can stumble across your Web site,

Yeah yeah yeah. We know. The site/domain are not "by invitation only". But we do actively block those we don't want visiting. That is quite within our rights.

TMB:

and anyone with an e-mail account can send your site's URL to those who are mentioned on your site.

Yep, sure. And we did ask, on our site, for people who visited yours not to do so in a way that would give you a clear line of entry into ours. Obviously someone has not respected that. We don't know who that is and ultimately we are not going to pursue that. The priority is for me, the defender, to defend the system of which I am part. I am doing that. I am not wrong for doing that.

TMB:

And you don't have a "right" to feel safe online.

You haven't lived yet. You're, uhm, something like 23, 24? Golly, I wish I could go back there. So much promise, so much optimism.

TMB:

That's ... funny. Wow, you made me laugh. I guess you DO have a sense of humor today.

Heheh. Sweet of you to notice. :)

Regards,
Leila
writing for Maddy++

Enjoy.

Providing jack-off material for white misogynists since 1997.

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