It Feels Good to Be a Gangsta

And can we get off this Jesus kick? I know we heathens aren't easily swayed by Fox News and we tend to have an independent streak that threatens the unity of our fine nation, but even your man in the sky told you to keep your religious beliefs under your fancy Sunday hat. You win no points by putting on a show. God can read your mind. Even through the tinfoil.

Around 42,000 Americans are killed in car accidents each year, 550,000 die of cancer, 4000 lose their lives to fire and upwards of 20,000 take their final bow after a bout of the flu. Would the deaths of only 3000 Americans each year due to terrorism begin to justify the erosion of the civil liberties that make our country one of the more desirable in which to live?

We had the resources before September 11, 2001, to prevent terrorist attacks. We chose not to use those resources because of the impenetrable bureaucracy of federal, state and local governments. We chose not to use those resources because of the tribal mentality of government agencies. And instead of streamlining the government, we simply added another layer of red tape.

We don't need new laws to prevent terrorist attacks. We need to revamp the investigative agencies that mask their incompetence by refusing to divulge information with claims of protecting national interests. We need to ensure that legitimate threats are being targeted, not just any mindless ese from the barrio who thought he could be a bad-ass by promising the Muslim brothers that, yeah, he could build and set off one of those dirty bombs. We need to guarantee that everyone gets a fair trial in the open, so that we know the system is working instead of simply placating us and abusing its power.

I didn't have faith in the government before to prevent terrorist attacks. Why would I trust them more now that our representatives want to shove most of the battle into the shadows? If we don't know what the government is doing, how do we know they're doing it right and doing it to the right people?

It's like the war on drugs. We expend so much money and energy on picking off the foot soldiers that we allow the leaders to make an escape. I'm sure that's our goal. If you take out the big fish too soon, you'll have to cut short your efforts. How much do law enforcement and prison groups donate to politicians?

And what PAC is going to lead the herd in Iraq?

In most Muslim countries, you have two choices: secular brutality or Islamic oppression. If we topple the secular regimes -- Iraq, Syria, etc. -- we leave open the very strong possibility that free elections will lead to Islamic fundamentalists gaining power. Even our pal France had a hissy fit about a similar outcome in one of those countries it "used to" control, and they're not too excitι about the number of French Muslims refusing to be moderate and easily manipulated.

It's no different than in the United States. We don't like the Democrats or Republicans, but when election time rolls around, we cast our vote for someone representing one of those parties. If we think a Democrat did a lousy job, we vote for a Republican. If we think a Republican didn't live up to this promises, we vote for a Democrat. Few people think to look farther down the ballot and choose a third-party candidate. In the Middle East, people likely will choose candidates from the familar (and often banned) opposition group, and you're not going to end up with a Muzyad Yakhoob. Make room for Shari'a.

So, yes, wonderful, we've freed Iraq. But that's not the auspices under which we waged this war. Billions of humans live under oppressive conditions, some even worse than those under Saddam's rule. We can't go into every country and overturn their leadership because, then, we'll be responsible for the people, their care and the attempted reformation of their nations. Do we want to maintain law and order for the entire world? Oh, right.

No one thought we'd lose this war. Come on, we've got kick-ass weapons. We pay enough for them, so they better be impressive in their destructive capabilities. Have you seen our arsenal? Have you ever had a chance to ride around in a commander's vehicle with leather seats? Our ability to win wasn't at issue. It was the long-term consequences of starting a pre-emptive war and administering rule in a foreign country that had rational critics' panties in a wad.

How much freedom are we willing to give? What if the Iraqis choose a militant Islamic leader and decide that, yes, they do want weapons of mass destruction for self-defense? Do we stop them? Do we tell them that when we said we wanted them to be a free and democratic country, we meant as long as they operated under our definition of freedom and democracy?

If a few months down the road, we're still in Iraq and a majority of the population wants us to leave, do we? Many of them want us to leave now. Do we tell them that we know better? What if protests against what they view as an occupation turn violent? Do you shoot the people you claimed to liberate and who are now using that liberation to tell you to go home? Or do you claim that those people are just a minority and don't represent the views of "real" Iraqis?

Democracy is a funny thing. It means people who shouldn't step foot near a council meeting or state house can gain power. It means a vocal minority can assert its will on the sleeping, bleating majority. It means a lunkhead like George W. Bush and a windbag like Al Gore are the best major candidates we could come up with, and even though few voters actively supported them, they still pulled the lever or touched the screen for one of them.

This is why some people were against the war and more to the point, how it played out. Forget the popular anti-war movement. It reeked of the smug cultural naivete and elitism that pollute college campuses. That's why it was easy to dismiss dissent. Did you see those people? Yoga for Peace? Jesus Christ. Those are our allies? Thanks, I'll just stay home and watch "American Idol" while you're contorting to save mankind.

"War is bad" isn't much of a platform. Neither is "no blood for oil." They fit on a placard, sure, but that simplistic stance is what did them in. When you've got heart-tugging images of smiling Iraqis on one side, you have to put a bit more effort into winning over a public that likes its propaganda short and pretty. Your college-aged socialist chicks aren't pretty.

No one wanted Saddam to remain in power. Not even the delusional Arabs who bought into the ridiculous propaganda spewed by Iraq's former information minister. He was a bad guy. We knew that. We know that. That doesn't change the principle of the opposition. The war sets a bad precedent. When you attack based on the potential for a country or segment of a population to attack you either directly or indirectly, you give tacit permission for other countries to do the same to their enemies.

You've got Israel wanting (us) to take out Syria and Iran, India looking to kick Pakistan's ass, North Korea hoping to lob a few missiles our way -- and we've given them great precedent for it. Go on, Vermont, send your state troopers into Canada. Have you seen the way those Quebecois drive? It's obvious they're trying to kill us.

And this forces the United States to take on the dangerous and painstaking role of nation-building in a region already extremely hostile to us, meaning that any misstep could set off a firestorm, and we're not winning any friends by having ignored the rampant looting and violence. We're an invading army to most in the area, and if we don't tread lightly, we risk losing any support we currently have. If we overstay our welcome, we're screwed. If we leave too quickly, we're screwed. If we set up permanent bases, we're screwed.

This isn't like rolling into Germany. This isn't a region based on the same Judeo-Christian values of which we've tried to rid ourselves. They have religion and it's a way life. It's completely foreign. You try dealing with people who flog their backs with chains to honor the memory of a guy who's been dead for centuries. American Christians just color eggs.

They're not like us and they don't want to be exactly like us. Once the American public gets wind of that, it's going to be a major letdown to discover that the world might want Britney Spears but it doesn't want our government or values.

Americans don't have the stomach for rebuilding, particularly not in a country that isn't bending over backward in a display of gratitude. Already, co-workers who supported the war are decrying their "hard-earned tax dollars" going toward helping the Iraqis form some semblance of a country. You wanted to bomb them into the stone age. You wanted to liberate them. Did you think we could leave them hanging like Afghanistan? No one cares about Afghanistan. No one is watching as the Taliban slowly starts regain control. All eyes are on Iraq. We have to look like the good guys or at least give a few sweet contracts to France, Germany and Russia to shut them up.

Over half of all Americans -- or at least over half of all Americans who don't hang up on pollsters -- think Saddam Hussein had a direct connection to the September 11 attacks. Over half. After Washington spent months convincing the world that the perpetrator was Osama bin Laden. Osama bin Laden, who hated the secularism and brutality of Saddam's regime. Give it a few months, and I'm sure we can convince the Farm Belt that Chirac was supposed to be the 21st hijacker. Moussaoui is a French citizen. Chirac is a French citizen. In fact, he leads the French. Through mind control. Can't you see the connection?

"Freedom's untidy," Rumsfeld said in a press conference. "And free people are free to make mistakes and commit crimes and do bad things."

Great, so how big is your TV? Is it HDTV? Plasma? No need to leave the key under the door. I'll let myself in.

Providing jack-off material for white misogynists since 1997.

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