Hot Pregnant Teens Here

Jack Kevorkian was on to something before he became a publicity hound – assisting in the suicides of the terminally ill. What he has consistently overlooked is the market for involuntary euthanasia. It is ripe for the picking.

Why stop at 65-year-old grandmothers dying from ovarian cancer and 43-year-old men suffering from progressive multiple sclerosis? What about Stupid Teen Girl, who is slowly easing down the jism trail toward teen motherhood and a life of chronic breeding? She would be a prime candidate for a lethal cocktail of sodium pentothal, pavulon and potassium chloride.

Organizations such as the Church of Euthanasia and Voluntary Human Extinction Movement do not go far enough. Their hearts are in the right place in urging people to off themselves and refrain from breeding but their methods are ineffective. In order to achieve what these organizations want -- slower population growth -- we need to start with those who have no fucking idea how to keep their legs shut. We must begin with teen mothers. (Women taking fertility drugs will be Phase Two.)

Despite the reduction in repeat childbearing, about 90,000 teens gave birth to their second child in 1997, out of a total of just over 500,000 births to teenagers. 90,000 teens did not learn their lesson the first time around, and if it hasn't sunk in by the second child, chances are it will not sink in by the third, fourth or fifth.

Still at an age where they think they can do no wrong, they continue to push out child after child. It makes them happy, and they know best. The school system tells them that. (Self-esteem proponents will be Phase Three.)

My 22-year-old cousin had her first child at 16. She is now the proud welfare mother of four brats with trendy names and Medicaid. I doubt she will ever stop. She has no reason to use birth control. She has no hope or future. She never finished high school. She has a low-paying job at Boston Market. Bearing children is the only thing she is capable of doing well.

My cousin is not alone. Only one-third of teen mothers receive a high school diploma ¹, and nearly 80 percent of unmarried teen mothers end up on welfare ². Unable to pass on a sense of personal responsibility and achievement to their children, teen parents often doom their children to a life similar to their own. The sons of teen mothers are 13 percent more likely to end up in prison while teen daughters are 22 percent more likely to become teen mothers themselves. ³ It is difficult for the children to escape their parents' legacy through education, as they are more likely to do poorly in school. ⁴ (And some people say I do not do any research before writing. Piss on them.)

Educational attainment is a very critical factor in accounting for lifetime fertility rates. Women with college degrees can be expected to complete their childbearing with 1.6-2.0 children each. For women with less education the total expected number of children are: 3.2 children for those with 0-8 years of education; 2.3 children for those with 9-11 years of education and 2.7 for high school graduates. Among unmarried mothers age 25 and older only nine percent had college degrees; about a third has less than a high school education. ⁵

So, teen mothers rarely attain a high school diploma. Without a high school diploma, they are more likely to breed and breed and breed. They must be stopped.

But what do teen mothers themselves have to say about all this?

Having spent two weeks debating teen mothers on one of their message boards, it became apparent their main argument against the naysayers is that we are "uptight prudes who hate sex." Contrary to their assessment, I began fucking and sucking at the average age for girls -- 16. When that argument fails, they default to, "I bet you too ugly to even find a guy to get your sorry ass pregnant!" Their self-value rests in how many hormonal 15 year olds are willing to fuck them without using condoms.

When I met my boyfriend, I was like a Glen Ridge mongoloid in heat. The difference between Esmerelda the Proud Teen Mother and me is that my hormones did not override my intelligence.

The moment I realized I had a dick at my disposal, I did cartwheels to the local drug store and bought a 12-pack of condoms. No shame. No embarrassment. I looked at the cashier, smiled, opened my wallet and exclaimed, "Jesus Christ, fifteen dollars? Fucking ain't cheap."

After I realized I had a dick at my disposal, I realized that I was still in high school and had no money. Condoms were not in my budget. Neither was a kid. An abortion was, though, thanks to my HMO's co-pay.

This is where I differ from teen mothers. I did not say, "I'm broke; I'll just cross my fingers and fuck without protection. And if I do it in a pool, I bet I can't get pregnant. Right? Yeah, that's what I'll do." I made an appointment with a gynecologist and went on birth control that made my cervical mucus too thick for anything other than the most viking-like sperm to navigate. Hence my childfree status.

Is birth control 100 percent reliable? No, but that's why Marduk invented abortion and little accidents, such as falling down stairs.

After repeatedly being told that I obviously dislike sex, the girls went on to explain that, "I have a baby and I can still dod all that I had dreamed of doing and accomplish all of my goals. If you are determined enough you wont ever let anything stand in your way, even having a baby. I am only 16 and my baby has all she needs, she has love, food and clothes, her father and I supply for all of her needs, on our own, like I said before if you have all your goals set for you you can still achieve them baby or no baby."

Of course, what she probably fails to mention is the assistance her child is receiving from AFDC. Her idea of "on our own" presumably means since she is not out on the street directly asking for hand-outs, she and her boyfriend are responsible. Each year, teen pregnancy costs the United States around $7 billion.⁶ And that doesn't even include the price of Baby GAP clothing.

That $7 billion would be better spent on the elimination of pregnant teens and teen mothers. Education does not work. Increased availability of contraceptives does not work. Lecturing does not work. Pamphlets do not work. Baby Think It Over does not work. Appearing on "The Maury Povich Show" and sending them to boot camp does not work. A bullet to the back of their empty heads may be what it takes to stop teen pregnancy and get us on the road to negative population growth.

If you still are not convinced -- after I presented such a persuasive argument that even soccer moms whose entire lives revolve around children would agree to line up to give that lethal squirt -- here are some choice quotes from teen mothers.

"My name is Jaymee, I'm 18, and 28 weeks pregnant. I had moved out of myhome when I was 17 and still in High School (and doing extremely well),not because I was forced to or didn't like my parents, I was just soready to be on my own and have the freedom I desired. But this freedom went a little too far. I thought I had the perfect life. Lots of boyfriends, enough money to go snowboarding twice a week, and I was independent. I was invincible. I let my standards down though, and it taught me a lesson. Within a month, I had slept with two different guys, both only once and both with protection. Then when I missed my period, I just knew."

"Hi my name is Alana and I'm 19 years old and 27 weeks pregnant. Jon and I had got along great for 5 years except for one time we broke up and he got another girl pregnant. He got custody of his other son and JJ now lives with Jon's mother and he is severely overweight almost 100 lbs and he isn't even 3 yet."

"For two and a half years I believed I couldn't get pregnant or my partner couldn't conceive because we had unprotected sex for such a long time...but then I guess it happened."

"WELL MY STORY STARTS THE END OF MY 8TH GRADE YEAR. I MET THIS AMAZING GUY(MY BABY'S FATHER) WE HIT IT OFF FROM THE START AND FELL IN LOVE RIGHT AWAY."

"IT IS SO VERY HARD BUT YOU CAN DO IT IF YOU STAY STRONG. JUST REMEMBER HOW MUCH THIS LITTLE ANGEL IN YOU NEEDS YOU." "Sarah's sperm donor wouldn't go to any classes with me or anything. My theory is that he is an immature scared child who wants to play forever but I don't know...that's just my theory. He has his reasons, I'm sure, but I will never understand them."

"In all honesty I kind of like being a single mom. I don't really want to share my beautiful little girl with anyone (I'm selfish)"

1. Maynard, R.A., (Ed.). (1996) Kids Having Kids: A Robin Hood Foundation Special Report on the Costs of Adolescent Childbearing, New York: Robin Hood Foundation.

2. Calculations based on the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth (1979-1985) in Congressional Budget Office. (1990, September). Sources of Support for Adolescent Mothers. Washington, D.C: Author.

3. Maynard, R.A. (Ed.). (1996) Kids Having Kids: A Robin Hood Foundation Special Report on the Costs of Adolescent Childbearing, New York: Robin Hood Foundation.

4. George, R.M., & Lee, B.J. (1997). Abuse and Neglect of Children. In R.A. Maynard (Ed.), Kids Having Kids: Economic Costs and Social Consequences of Teen Pregnancy (pp. 205-230). Washington, DC: The Union Institute Press.

5. Mathews, T. J., & Ventura, Stephanie J. "Birth and Fertility Rates by Educational Attainment: United States, 1994." NCHS.

6. National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. (1997) Whatever Happened to Childhood? The Problem of Teen Pregnancy in the United States. Washington, DC: Author

Providing jack-off material for white misogynists since 1997.

The Misanthropic Bitch does not encourage feedback. You are not as clever, witty or hate-filled as you think you are. All submissions, though, become property of The Misanthropic Bitch. Submissions may be published or reused in any other medium. Think before you hit send.