The Misanthropic Bitch

I saw what you wrote on a message board, and I think you're an idiot.
If someone posts to a message board, discussion list or newsgroup and claims to be The Misanthropic Bitch, it's actually a very insecure, overweight 30-something from Iowa who thinks she can get attention by pretending to be me. There is only one me, and I don't have time to build an allegiance with someone calling herself "paghat the rat girl."
Why did your Web site move to a new server?
It's a long story that can be summed up like this: Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl doesn't like anyone. A big, bad boy sponsors a big, bad terrorist act. Boy cowers in fear. Girl makes a few smart-assed comments. Boy realizes that girl will never like him, and that her "act" isn't as much of an act as he thought it was. Girl tells boy to suck it up. Boy tries to save face. Girl moves to a new home with a nicer name.
Are you so desperate for attention that you have to go out of your way to be shocking?
If you agreed with my opinions, you'd consider me a genius and wonder why everyone doesn't subscribe to our mutually held beliefs. You do not agree with my opinions, however, so you can't fathom how anyone can hold beliefs that differ so radically from your own. But one has to consider how sheltered a life you've lead if you think anything on this site is "shocking." It's barely scratching the surface of out-there and radical opinions. Write me after you've had a discussion with a crunchy hip mama who thinks breast-feeding an eight-year-old is psychologically healthy.
Oh, yeah, well, what if YOU had been killed in the 11 September attacks?
The thought of dying in a terrorist attack doesn't scare me because I'm destined to kick the bucket someday, but it does annoy me. The 3000 or so people who died in the attacks aren't here to say that, no, they don't want to be called martyrs (because they're not), they don't want to be used to further political and religious agendas, they don't want their names to appear on sappy, ill-conceived memorials, etc. It annoys me that my name and/or memory could be hijacked for the gains of others. So, I look forward to dying the way God intended Americans to die: of a massive coronary while standing in line at The Orleans breakfast buffet in Las Vegas.
Why don't you put banners on your site? You should make money from your writing!
If you think I should be rewarded for the content of my site, buy a gift certificate for me. Gift certificates are a nice way of saying, "Thanks for the free content."
What do you look like?
Vaguely human. Depends on the lighting.
Oh, so you think white people are superior? You're just a fucking racist.
No, I don't think white people are superior. I just hate niggers, kikes, camel jockeys, spics, honkies and dotheads. Did I miss anyone?
What kind of music do you listen to? I'd like to know because I want to pretend that I have a connection with you, and when I jerk off at night, I can think of us fucking while listening to a band that we both like. Can you at least give me that much?
I could, but it's sort of creepy to think you're that desperate to find a common ground between us.
Your layout sucks!
I know!
I hate E/N sites!
Me too!
I bet you're a fat pig!
Oink, oink.
So, you like child porn, you fucking sicko?
Yes, I adore child pornography. I'm so glad that 0.0001% of pedophiles record their acts for posterity, and I think it's meanie-mean-mean that law enforcement agencies spend millions of dollars and thousands of man hours to track them down. They provide so much entertainment to the Scandinavians!
Perhaps it would be a better use of resources to stop and prosecute the overwhelming majority of child sex abuse cases that don't have the same sexy appeal as Internet sex rings or lonely losers who lack the balls to act on their fantasies exhanging photos created by others. Maybe, and I realize how shocking this idea is, instead of sending parents into a frenzy over the off chance a pedophile might IM their kids, law enforcement agencies could address the child sex abuse cases that involve kids whose tortured mugs never make it to the fucklittleboys chat room. They might, and allow me to apologize for this shocking statement right now, call for longer jail sentences for family members who molest their younger relatives rather than pat themselves on the back because they locked away 15 pathetic human beings who might not have ever even touched a child. Yes, I know that those cases aren't quite as interesting as mothers and fathers pimping their children for the jollies of the Danish, but they tend to happen with more frequency and affect a greater number of children.
And you do care about the children, don't you?
Did your father molest you or something?
Yes. Would you like to see the photos?
You shouldn't joke about child sex abuse.
You wouldn't say that if you saw the photos. Man, I can't believe no one told me how fat my ass was.
How can someone like you have a boyfriend?
I don't. I just made him up. What little intimate contact I have comes from my hands and a 15-year-old Kirk Cameron poster from Bop magazine.
What if your mother thought the way you did?
Then I wouldn't exist. I'm comfortable with contemplating my non-existence.
How can you be a woman and think the way you do?
How could anyone but a woman think like me? Men rarely see the nuts and bolts of womanhood. I see it on a daily basis, and I'm expected to behave in a similar fashion because of my gender. Nothing can make one a misogynist faster than being born a woman.
Don't you think you'll change your mind about not wanting children?
The last thing the world needs are more white, middle-class Americans.
What did your mother do to make you so mean toward women?????
Isn't it strange that feminists solely blame my mother for my outcome? What about my father? He molested me, for God's sake. And took photos! Sexy photos of my bald, prepubescent snatch!
Your site just provides an excuse for men to beat their wives!
And some people say my existence serves no purpose. If I can justify even one case of domestic violence, my life has meaning.
Your site just provides an excuse for men to hate women!
Women are adept at making men hate them. I have nothing to do with that process. I simply agree with the sentiment.
Don't you think you should contribute to society?
I do. Think of the entertainment I provide to losers one pill away from a successful overdose. I'm keeping a generation of angsty teens and twentysomethings alive.
If you hate people so much, why don't you kill yourself?
Because I'm a hypocrite. I'm skilled in the art of h-y-p-o-c-r-i-s-y.
How long has this site been around?
Five years.
Can I link to your site?
Only if you pay royalties.
Can I debate you?
No.
Did you know I agree with everything you say?
Why would I know that? Get your own goddamn opinions and stop stealing mine.
Do you think you're original or something?
No, and I never claimed to be. I am a misanthropy recycler.
Do you believe everything you write about?
Yes. They are not strong convictions, though. I am not so fond of my beliefs as to be willing to die for them. Should the Nazis ever come into power again, I can assure you I will be goose-stepping with the best of them. And if the Arabs rise to the top, I've been practicing my ululation.
Are you really a woman?
Maybe.
Are you really an American?
Probably not.
Do you have any hobbies?
What with slaughtering teen mothers and their offspring, I don't have much time for arts and crafts.
Do you read Ayn Rand?
No, and I bet you're lying if you say you do. No one reads Ayn Rand. Pseudo-intellectuals claim they do, but no one in the world has ever gotten through Atlas Shrugged. No one. Stop writing to inform me that you did because I'll never believe it.

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Providing jack-off material for white misogynists since 1997.

The Misanthropic Bitch does not encourage feedback. You are not as clever, witty or hate-filled as you think you are. All submissions, though, become property of The Misanthropic Bitch. Submissions may be published or reused in any other medium. Think before you hit send.